I didn't ask for this
by hickystrayts
Summary: Moments after the destruction of Starkiller Base, Rey finds herself in trouble... An alternative ending to The Force Awakens.
1. Chapter 1

"I didn't ask for this"

She just wanted to go home. Her thoughts returned to her fallen AT-AT in the desert sand. Despite the many years of yearning to leave it, now she desperately longed to return. Anything better than this, anything better than the current situation.

Her emotions flowed from her and filled the confines of the room. Her face wet with the tears she'd been holding back for so many years. Tears not just of sorrow, but also pain, despair, fear and rage. Her whole body racked with her convulsive sobs. The adrenaline which had fuelled her since this whole thing began started to ebb away. A cold sweat settled over her, causing the convulsions to turn into a frantic and uncontrollable shivering. Crouched as she was, she placed her hands flat on the floor before her. The metal was cold against her skin and she hoped to ground herself, she could not fall to the floor now. Fighting the overwhelming urge to just lie down in surrender, she desperately attempted to calm down. Her breathing was ragged, she forced the lungs to take slower breaths. She tasted copper and vomited, not that there was much to regurgitate, her last scant meal was hours before. That final exertion used the last of her strength and she blacked out. She fell forwards and a nasty head injury was inevitable… except her helpless form did not impact with the floor but instead hovered an inch above it.

The black figure stepped forward and effortlessly retrieved her. At last she was still now, he breathed a sigh of relief. Her terror had been exhausting. Wave after wave had crashed over him and her latent Force capabilities made it difficult for him to protect himself. She had bombarded him with almost every emotion that she had ever felt, and they had dragged through his mind until he was almost as physically spent as her. It was only his training that had led him to be the last man standing. Had she actually attempted to focus the power of the pain she felt he knew that it could easily have been him lying on the floor, and he doubted very much that she would have spared him the indignity of waking up in a pool of his own vomit. Now, more than ever, he knew what he had to do. He glanced down at her in his arms and he knew that he had to train her. Her young face and slight form belied the power that she contained. Her youth worked in his favour, her mind would be more malleable, at least he hoped so. He gently laid her on a bed in the med bay. His gaze swept over her assessing for any life threatening injuries. She was badly bruised and concussed. She would live … for now. He fastened the restraints over her before turning his attention to his own injuries. He noted wryly that his body was considerably more battered than her. The fact that he was still conscious allowed him a moment of pride. Pride in his accomplishments as a warrior. He was a survivor and he would succeed.

His satisfaction was somewhat diminished though when he saw what she had done to his face. The burn from the lightsabre ran from his brow all the way down to his jaw. And it hurt. In fact, the more he looked at it, the more it hurt. How he had not lost an eye he did not know. He turned from the mirror and carefully peeled off his upper clothes. The fabric of his tunic had burnt and fused with his flesh where the sabres had struck him. He was shaking by the time he had finished.

He was exhausted. He glanced enviously at the girl. It was alright for her, lying there _**sleeping**_ … He could not even remember the last time he had slept. His anger flowed through him and he reached out a hand to her. He could just snuff her out. Choke her with the Force and then he would not have to look at her or think about her ever again. He felt the Force flowing, following his impulse. It swirled around the girl, eager to do his bidding. She stirred, some part of her sensed the danger. Abruptly he dropped his hand to his side. The restless Force ebbed away to nothing. The room was still. He could not kill her … yet.

The ship they were on was positively ancient and he needed a co-pilot. He wished that when he had fled the doomed Starkiller Base it was in his own shuttle, but as he had frantically run through the hanger there was only this old freighter left. A relic awaiting destruction after being seized from some Resistance scum. He had managed to get it airborne but it was designed for a two pilot team. Even with his long arms and the Force he had struggled to manipulate both sides of the navigational controls. Desperation had made him take it, he had just fought his way out of the hanger when he had seen the distinctive shape of the Millennium Falcon swoop past and into hyperspace. He tasted a bitter panic as he accepted that she had gone. But then he realized that he could still sense her. She was running. He could sense her panic as she ran over the crumbling surface of the planet. Her despair as she watched the departing Millennium Falcon was almost more than he could bear. Her loss at being abandoned again was heartrending. Her emotions were like a beacon and he brought his ship towards her.

Her confusion was shot through with pure rage when she identified her "rescuer". He thought there was a good chance that she would simply refuse to get on board. He had to stay at the controls due to the unstable ground, and he opened the hatch. She could feel him and resolved to stay and die rather than be anywhere near him. He was just closing the ramp when he felt her adrenaline spike. She had actually jumped up at the very last moment. A leap of desperation and terror. But she wanted to live. She wanted to survive. It was instinct that made her jump. He admired the trait. She was strong.

He finished patching himself up. His mind returned again and again the overwhelming strength of her loss and rejection. He loosened the restraints, he now knew what he had to do. Her loneliness echoed his own and it would be her undoing. He was certain he could control her. This empty anguish was the key.


	2. Chapter 2

She slept for over fifteen hours, a motionless shape in the darkness. Too exhausted even to dream. Impatiently, he waited for her to regain consciousness. He was eager to begin converting her, yet he was also just anxious to engage in any kind of interaction at all. He needed to drown out the truth of what he had done, he could not face it yet. But this long wait whilst the girl slept was stretching his nerves to snapping point. Every fibre of his being was tense and he prowled restlessly round the ship. He knew he should also rest, but he was torn between keeping the girl under constant surveillance and preparing himself for the new battle ahead. He knew enough about her now to be quite certain that she would not be easily persuaded. He also feared that she might awaken and attempt to gain some kind of advantage. He wondered if he should have kept her restrained after all. So, even as he paced the corridors, his focus was locked onto her. Ever alert for any sign of awareness. Checking the status of the ship did nothing to distract him and the tension radiating from him caused the atmosphere to compress. The increasing pressure causing the metal panels lining the ship to bend and buckle.

It was at this point that she awoke. The pressure on the ship felt as if it were ten times the gravity of Jakku and she gasped for air. She struggled to sit up, struggling to comprehend what was happening, when the pressure dissipated abruptly. Her relief was short-lived as she remembered where she was. Panic flooded over her once more as she realised that the creature of nightmares was once again crouched before her.

Her first instinct was to defend herself, realising that she was not in restraints she leapt to her feet. The wave of nausea that swept over her caused her to stumble. Yet again, she did not fall. She was held fast, frozen by the Force. He stood and pulled her towards him, using his control over the Force he lifted her, compensating for their difference in height. She was suspended so that their eyes were level. His dark eyes bore into hers, their intensity almost making her forget that she was now floating almost a foot from the floor. The silence was so all encompassing that it was a shock when he finally spoke.

"You are alone … again."

"That's not true" she gasped.

"Then, where are they now?" he whispered. He entered her mind whilst she was distracted. Her memory of the Falcon flying away triggered such a blast of despair that he lost control of the Force hold and she slipped to the floor. He crouched before her and pulled her upright so they were eye to eye once more. His gloved hands were tight round her upper arms.

"It's just us now"

She pushed him away, her rage giving her strength that surprised him. He struggled to hold onto her mind as she pushed back at him. For a moment they were both trapped in the pain of each other's memories. His hold on her arms was mirrored as she clutched his arms for support. They clung to each other as the pain and anger swirled around them. The force of their combined despair and rage spread throughout the room until everything shook. The clatter as medical equipment fell off shelves and hit the floor broke their trance. Their conscious minds were torn apart from each other. Their desperate embrace instantly dissolved as they flew apart. She turned away and covered her face with her hands, struggling to make sense of it all. The fear she had felt back in the interrogation room was now so overpowering that she could taste it. But now it was intermingled with a tremendous rage, a rage that seemed to be predominantly directed at her. He blamed her for the destruction of the Starkiller Base. She also felt his humiliation after she had defeated him as they battled in the snow.

By the time she looked up he had gone again. She knew that he would only return when it was time for her to die. Abandoned by the only friends she had ever known, she lay down on the floor to await her fate. She had not asked for this, and now it was soon to be over.


	3. Chapter 3

As she lay prostrate on the cold metal floor awaiting her execution, he stood on the other side of the (now locked) med bay door. His steps as he made his way to the living quarters were unsteady. He was shaken to the core with the strength of what he had just experienced. He had never felt anything its equal before. He considered the numerous times he had used the Force to extract information and he had never known the connection to be so visceral. For the duration it was as if they were truly one mind. He suspected that she had also seen much more of him than he would ever have willingly shared. Damn her, he thought. Who did she think she was to insinuate her way into his mind? Her, nothing but a lowly scavenger, she had no right to this power. He would show her just who the superior was. She would submit or die.

As he lay down on the bed he decided to forego his ritual meditation. The unexpected contact with the girl's mind now left him feeling strange and mentally drained. He fell into a heavy and dreamless sleep, the first of its kind for many years. The first pure sleep since he had begun to hear the insidious whisperings of the Dark Side.

Hours passed silently, yet if anyone had been on the bridge they would have observed that the autopilot was no longer engaged. Old ships, like this, had suffered many lifetimes of wear and tear. The previous owners knew that this was a reoccurring fault, and were in fact planning to fix it when they were rudely apprehended by The First Order. In the short interval between interrogation and execution it had not actually occurred to them to mention this detail to any of the faceless stormtroopers. So, now as a result, the ship was now just adrift in empty space. It is difficult to say how long this situation would have continued, but in the end it was an asteroid belt that interfered.

As the first asteroid passed close enough to the vessel to set off the proximity alert, a deafening klaxon screeched down the empty corridors. He was off his bed and running to the bridge in an instant. He frantically scanned over the controls, attempting to explain the alarm. In his panic he neglected to simply look up and out through the bridge viewport. If he had, he would have seen the impenetrable barrier of rocks that now surrounded the freighter. Even the smallest fragment had the potential to breach the hull and destroy them. It was only when the shadow of a particularly large asteroid drifted in front of the viewport that he glanced up. He managed to locate and activate the shields but he knew that even the best shields were no match for such an asteroid belt. And he did not have the best shields, they were only operating at 40% and seemed to be fluctuating in such an alarming manner that he felt sure that there was a very high chance that they would fail completely at the first serious impact. Then they would be completely exposed. Destruction would be inevitable.

She was on her feet, pacing the med bay when the door shot open. Without a word, he grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bridge. The alarms were absolutely ear-splitting, yet more terrifying was the ominous thumping and scraping as the vessel grazed between a couple of medium sized asteroids. She was not sure what she was running towards, but she sensed that whatever impending doom was about to occur that it would affect them both equally. They both ran as fast as they could to the bridge, yet a few precious seconds were wasted as the girl paused in frozen shock at the asteroid field ahead. She had never seen such a sight before and not for the first time she wished that she had never stopped to help that little white and orange droid. She should have just left it in the desert.

He shoved her into one of the seats. She faced the unfamiliar navigational controls before her but instead of more panicking she snapped to attention. Her hands became steady as she assessed the instruments. Tech was something that she had been dealing with almost her whole life, she understood tech. With a few deep breaths she focussed her mind and she began the task of piloting the freighter away from the asteroids. In her calm concentration she was oblivious to the anger emanating from her companion. Her silent capability to manage the job at hand was infuriating him beyond measure. In order to exorcise some of his rage he decided to facilitate their escape by using the blast cannons to clear away some of the debris in their path.

They worked in silence. They were aware that despite the fact that hours earlier they were trying to kill each other, now their mutual survival depended on their co-operation. For the first time since boarding the ship she realised why she was still alive. He needed her to fly the ship. She felt the tiniest glimmer of hope stirring in her chest. Maybe there was a chance for her. It was a slim chance, but a chance never the less. One thing this scavenger girl knew about was how to take advantage of those slim chances. He would not kill her just yet. How long this situation would last, she could only guess. It might be only moments before a First Order ship picked them up. But for this moment in time, for this second she felt hope burning in her heart.

Eventually they cleared the field and when they saw open space the relief on the bridge was palpable. If he sensed her cautious optimism he made no indication. Instead he roughly turned her chair to face him. His complexion was flushed which seemed to make his eyes almost glow in their darkness. The wound that ran across his face was still open and she could not bring herself to look at it. The dark red of the raw flesh seemed to only confirm her opinion that he was indeed a monster. At least now she had marked him in such a way so that others would also recognise his evil nature. He roughly cupped her jaw and pulled her face towards him, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"You will make an excellent addition to The First Order, scavenger." He whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

She was up out of her seat in a flash. Yet she was not attempting escape. To his surprise, he realised that she was now leaning forward, her hands pinned his forearms to his chair. He reluctantly looked up, this subordinate position was most unwelcome and he attempted to stand up as well. But she was so strong and when he eventually brought himself to look up into her eyes he understood why. She was absolutely incandescent with rage.

"I WILL NEVER JOIN YOU!" she shouted. Her rage poured over him rendering him paralysed.

"I can teach you" he entreated, once more he was simultaneously dazzled and jealous of her raw talent with the Force. He was almost desperate to cultivate it, bending her to his will.

"I don't need anything from you", she spat the words at him. She furiously released him, disgust clear on her face. Just the merest physical contact with him filled her with revulsion. He was utterly transfixed, she was almost glowing as the Force flowed through her. Then just as suddenly as it began, it was over. She turned and left. Her Force hold dissipated and he stood, shouting after her.

"Where are you going?"

"Without shields we are dead", she called back over her shoulder, then she was gone.

It was not hard to locate the engine room. It was hot work as she struggled to repair the basic functions of the ship. There were numerous small fires dotted around which filled the air with acrid smoke. She fashioned a mask torn form her arm wrappings and worked harder than she had ever worked before in her life. The manual activities calmed her. Only occasionally did she allow her thoughts to dwell on all that had happened, and what could possibly lay ahead. Thinking about that madman caused her chest to tighten, how was she going to survive him? But despite that, she was focussed on her repairs and worked in relative tranquillity.

This was in extreme contrast with the mood of the man on the bridge. She had rejected his attempt to enter her mind again, showing her natural mastery of the Force. He needed to harness her power and use it to serve him. The possibility of allowing her to train as a Jedi was abhorrent, nor could he allow her to embrace the Dark Side as his rival. She had already proved herself a worthy opponent and that was without any training. If she turned to the Dark Side without being loyal to him then he knew that Supreme Leader Snoke would discard him in an instant, in favour of her. That could not be allowed to happen, not after all he had done, all of the sacrifices he had made. He felt a sharp pain as he momentarily replayed his last moments with … no, he could not allow himself to even think of it for as much as a second. His thoughts returned to the scavenger. He simply could not comprehend any possible reason for such resistance. He had glimpsed enough of her life on Jakku to see that it had been a relentlessly tough and solitary existence. Surely she could see that he was offering her so much more. However, thinking about the girl caused his anger to burn when he considered that she was the one that saved both their lives in the asteroid belt. And also, just to add insult to injury, she was down there right now toiling in the engine room ensuring their survival again. Correction, he knew that it was **her** survival that she was interested in protecting. He felt quite certain that if the opportunity presented itself, she would push him out of the nearest airlock without hesitation. He snarled with impotent rage, ignited his lightsabre and set about furiously slashing and smashing his way along the corridor.

It was impossible for her to tell precisely how long she had been struggling down in the engine room. But eventually, she had to rest. Both basic life support and the shields were now steady, so she set off in search of food. Passing through a corridor near the bridge she gasped at the fused and twisted remains of panelling. She could detect the smell of melted circuitry and wondered what had caused such carnage. She placed a hand over a particularly scorched section of wall and was abruptly caught in vision of the red lightsabre. She could see how furious he was as he blindly destroyed everything in sight. Quickly, she withdrew her hand, confused. Why did this keep happening to her? First Luke Skywalker's lightsabre had triggered an onslaught of someone else's memories, and now this? This impossible situation weighed heavily on her young shoulders. However, if she could find food then that would at least be a small consolation.


	5. Chapter 5

Fortunately, the late owners of the ship kept an exceedingly well stocked galley. Here was more food than the hungry girl had ever seen before. She scarcely knew where to begin. So she grabbed a few items and headed off to find somewhere to hole up and enjoy her bounty. Away from the distractions of the engine room her thoughts now centred on trying to avoid any more confrontations. She needed to mentally regroup, eat and rest. The galley did not seem the best place for this, it was a large room with nowhere to hide. She glanced around looking for clues to suggest he'd been here, but everything was tidy and undamaged. As for as she could see he almost always left a trail of singed destruction in his wake, and there was no sign of that here. Never the less, she did not feel secure here and decided to explore. Whilst she ate some kind of sweet nutrition pack, she cautiously padded along the corridors. She located the med bay, grabbed a few supplies and moved on.

Suddenly the hairs on the back of her neck were standing up and she was overwhelmed with a sense of dread. Ahead were the living quarters. The walls were lacerated with scorch marks and she did not need any visions to show her who had made them. One door, in particular, was charred and warped. She smelt the hot metal, turned on her heels and fled. She could have sworn that she had heard the crackle of the red lightsabre beyond that door. He must have heard her approach, or maybe he could still sense her presence. For even though she had run as far away as she could, she could still feel his rage pouring down on her. His darkness was trying to poison her, but she fought it. She pushed back with her mind, and with a final burst of rage ringing in her head, he was gone.

The next few days were the quietest that she had known since this whole madness had begun. She had attempted to discover their exact location but it would seem that the star charts in the on-board navigational computer had not been calibrated for this sector of the galaxy. So, essentially, the ship was lost. The fuel cells were running at minimum, which meant that although they were moving, it was not very fast. And without a destination she was very unwilling to boost their speed. The asteroid field had destroyed their communication array, so she could not call anyone for help. Not that she knew who she would contact anyway. The Resistance had left her for dead and she certainly could not run the risk of attracting a First Order ship. So all things considered, the situation seemed quite bleak.

But the girl's mood was not downcast and she gained much comfort from the fact that there was enough food on board to last her for years. The fuel cells would not run for years, but the thought that she would not die hungry went a long way to raising her spirits. The other reason for optimism was the fact that she had not seen or felt the presence of her temperamental shipmate. It was if he simply was not on board anymore. She dare not go over to the living quarters again and she began to suspect that he was dead. He had been very badly injured back on the Starkiller Base, she winced at the memory of him pounding his fist into his injured side and the spattering of blood in the snow. She had not detected any sign of him in the med bay or the galley. He must be dead. The thought that he had succumbed to his injuries and then possibly starved to death in his room all alone turned her stomach. He was clearly insane, but it didn't feel right to just leave him there. He had caused so much pain and now she felt that his blood might be on her hands anyway.

So with much trepidation, she found herself returning to the burnt out remains of the living quarters. As she approached, she was horrified at the sheer level of damage. The whole corridor leading to his room was a charred mess of broken metal and torn wiring. Everything was warped and buckled as if it had either been under an immense pressure or suffered some kind of explosion. The doorway led into the epicentre of the damage, and as she crept into the room it took every bit of courage she possessed to prevent her from fleeing. Her eyes struggled to comprehend the scale of the violence which had decimated the interior. All the furniture had been mangled and now lay pressed in malformed distortions against the walls. The walls themselves were scorched and torn. Even the floor was littered with burnt out craters. The next thing to assail her senses was the smell. Mixed in with the bitter smell of the burnt furniture was the putrid aroma of infection. She gagged as she realised that she could almost taste the rotting flesh as the stench was so overpowering. She shakily moved her lantern across the room, she needed to get rid of the body before the smell spread to the rest of the ship. Her blood was pumping so hard with the horror of it all that she could hear it pounding in her ears.

The light from her lantern fell on a long black shape lying in the centre of the room. It looked like he had his back to her, which she was exceptionally relieved about. She had absolutely no desire to look upon his dead face, scarred as it was by her own hand.

After retrieving a blanket from another room down the hall, she reluctantly approached the body. Her plan was to roll it onto the blanket, drag it down the corridor and jettison it via the nearest airlock. She had a hand on his shoulder and one on his hip, but just as the body tilted towards the blanket she heard something that almost sounded like a moan. She instantly let go and fell backwards in shock. Adrenaline burned through her entire body like acid, her chest squeezed out all the air and she struggled to make herself inhale. She was rigid with terror. How could he moan? He was dead. This stench was of death, no one could return from whatever purification had produced this fetid stink!

Had she imagined it? After what felt like an eternity she dared to approach the body once again. Fighting against retching at the potency of the smell increased, she placed a hand on the back of his neck. She was shaking so much that it was impossible to tell if he had a pulse. So she pulled him onto his back and gently placed her ear to his chest. She was listening so intently, but all she could hear was the blood pumping around her own heart. But then, there it was… a murmuring in his chest… a heartbeat… only faint. But there it was. His breathing was so shallow that even with her head against his chest she could only just detect the movement.

She sat up as quickly as she could and covered her face with her hands. Now what should she do? The first thought to cross her mind was that she could simply turn around and leave him. In his condition he would be unlikely to last more than an hour. She could just let nature take its course. After all that he had done, did he actually deserve anything else?


	6. Chapter 6

She crouched in the darkness, struggling as her heart screamed that he was a monster and that he should die in the same manner that he had lived; as a creature of nightmares, hiding in the shadows. Yet she was still crouched there, which hinted that she was still caught in indecision. This was an unfamiliar predicament for the girl. Her very survival up until this point had depended on her ability to make snap decisions, even if the consequences of making the wrong choice could have been fatal. She was not used to this hesitation. So why was she still there? Crouching for so long was making her legs ache and she pushed some debris away to clear a space, and sat down. It was not in her nature to enjoy the suffering of others. On Jakku, if an animal became trapped in the sinking sand and she could not free it, then she would put it out of its misery. Is that what she should do now? Would that be a merciful act? It was as if he could sense her conflict because just then, with a grunt of exertion, he shifted his arm. She noticed that he had been gripping his lightsabre. She jumped back out of reach. She was furious with herself, he was armed the whole time! He could have killed her at any moment. What was wrong with her? Once her breathing and heartrate steadied she considered that the weapon was not ignited (obviously – or she would have seen it instantly) and that the reality was that he was far too weak to wield it. It was just lying across the open palm of his hand. Bearing in mind just how dangerous a wounded animal can be, she tentatively reached over him to remove the lightsabre. He lay as if he was already dead and not even his fingers twitched as the heavy metal hilt was lifted out of his hand. It was surprisingly heavy. The casing was cracked and incomplete. She could feel that the weight was off balance. It was nothing like the compact elegance of Luke Skywalker's. In fact, the engineer in her was wondering at the very fact that he could get it to work at all.

"Finish it"

The words were so quiet she almost didn't hear them at all. She glanced over at him. He still had his back turned. But then he spoke again.

"Finish it"

His voice was faint, hardly above a whisper. But the words screamed in her head. He wanted her to kill him. She felt his suffering, saw the helplessness of it all. She ignited the lightsabre. The crackle and sparking of his weapon were abrasive and startling in the gloom. And even though she was the one holding it, her first instinct was still to recoil from the glowing sword. This was a weapon of brutality. She could sense all the lives it had cut down, all the terror that it caused. Yet, this was a fitting end for such a monster.

She sat up onto her knees and positioned the lightsabre across his neck. She raised her arms above her head and made ready to strike. It was hard to hold the hilt as her hands were slick with sweat. Her shoulders tightened with the exertion, her entire body tense, braced for what she was about to do. Then he spoke again.

"Thank you"

She froze in shock for a second, then she deactivated the lightsabre. The silence was broken only as the scarred lightsabre hilt hit the floor with a heavy metallic thud. Her breathing was ragged, her shoulders sagged and her head dropped forward. She felt as if every single molecule of her being had just been tested to the limit. But at least now she knew what she had to do.

She threw the lightsabre across the room. She would deal with that later, but now she had work to do. She rolled him onto the blanket. His body stiffened in protest, but in his weakened condition he had no choice. The pain as he moved caused him to black out. Which was probably just as well as the girl was not really all that gentle as she dragged him down the corridor to the med bay. In fact, if he had been conscious he would have learned that this lowly scavenger could curse him in no fewer than sixteen languages!

Once at the med bay, she realised that there was no way that she could lift him onto the bed. So she threw the mattress on the floor and managed to hoist him onto it. The bright lights in the med bay revealed that he was in even worse shape than she suspected. It flashed through her mind that maybe she really should have finished it back there in that burnt and broken room. She had only basic medical knowledge. She only knew what she needed in order to take care of herself. If he needed surgery … he was going to die. But at least she was going to try to fix him. She was not entirely clear on the exact reasons for this, but one thing she did know was that she could not just let him die. She also knew that euthanasia was not an option either. So she forged ahead on this path. It was all she knew.

In life, you made decisions and then faced the consequences, no matter what they were. In that moment when he thanked her, his mind had opened. She had seen that there was once a boy. A boy with dark eyes and a lop-sided grin. It was this boy who wanted it all to be over, the terrible burden of the Darkness was too much and he begged her to finish it. In that instant, she had felt hope. There was only a slim chance that she could actually save him. But slim chances were all she knew, and she was willing to try. She said his name out loud, the shape of his name unfamiliar on her lips.

"Ben"


	7. Chapter 7

She began by peeling away the remains of his tunic. Left untreated for several days, the bandages he'd applied were now embedded in the wounds on his shoulder and side. She gasped at the extent of his injuries. She had thought that the gash on his face was bad, but that was just a scratch in comparison to the scorched flesh on his shoulder, not to mention the ragged hole in his side. This latter injury was the source of the smell as the wound was now infected. Her faith in her ability to fix him faltered. But she was not ready to give up just yet. As gently as she could, she began to awkwardly sanitise the wounds. She liberally applied bacta to his face and shoulder, hoping that it was not too late. The flesh surrounding the side wound was hot and swollen in places. Blackening around the wound entry, the infection manifested as a darkening of the surrounding skin. As she cleaned off more blood from his midsection she could see the tendrils of blood poisoning radiating across him.

She frantically searched through the medical supplies, finding some antibiotics she swiftly injected a dose. Soaking a gauze pad with more bacta she taped it over the wound. It was bad, she could not understand why he had not tried to treat himself properly. He had seemed very much alive when they had been battling to escape the asteroids. It felt like he had just given up. But that contradicted everything she had learned about him. It just didn't make sense. Finally she injected a strong sedative. She could not predict what he might do next and keeping him sedated seemed a sensible plan.

She stretched as she stood up. She had been crouched attending to his injuries for quite some time. Looking down at him as he lay on the floor she took a moment to consider how their roles were reversed. Although, even in his unconscious state his face looked angry, his fists were clenched. She glanced about the room contemplating if she had anything to restrain him with. Even sedated, was he still a threat? Eventually, she merely grabbed another blanket and hastily dropped it over him.

She was relieved to get out of there. She was not used to being in such close contact with anyone. She could detect the scent of his sickness on her hands. She rushed to cleanse them. Her head was spinning again, and she sat on the floor outside the med bay. What was she thinking? She should have just finished him when she had the chance. She had the impression that weakness was not something that the leader of the Knights of Ren was used to, at least not in himself. But she had sensed the duality that was at war within him. Perhaps Ben would be more grateful. The whole situation was completely beyond the realm of her experience, but the one thing she did know was that she needed to check on the status of the ship. She knew where she was with the ship. She hauled herself up, called at the galley for some sustenance and marched off to the bridge.

He was cold. This was not the first time he'd felt so cold. He had been cold as he lay bleeding in the snow back on Starkiller Base. But he was not in the snow now. His whole body screamed in protest as he attempted to turn his head. There was a blazing inferno all down his left side, yet he was shivering so hard that his teeth were chattering. He opened his eyes a crack and squinted round the room. Was this the med bay? Was he lying on the floor? Was he actually alive? He closed his eyes and concluded that he was in so much pain that he must be alive. There was a blanket, but it was damp with sweat and seemed too heavy for him to move. He felt he lay there for an eternity. He had asked for death. Death seemed like a much more attractive option than this. He could smell the bacta and realised that someone had tended to his injuries. It could not be the First Order that were helping him, or he would be back in his state of the art med bay. Not here, lying on the floor. With a sudden flash all the memories of the past few days came flooding back. It was that girl, the scavenger, she had done this to him. She had caused nothing but chaos from the very first moment he even learned of her existence. He felt his anger surging through his body. He reached out an arm and tried to sit up. The pain suffused behind his eyes and he bit his bottom lip, drawing blood in his attempt to sit. Silence, never before had he felt so isolated in the Darkness. Why couldn't he feel the Dark Force? He could not bear it. In his delirium he imagined himself floating in an abyss of endless stars, cold to the core and alone forever. He used the Force to call out once more, desperately hoping she would hear … not really expecting that she would come.

 _Rey_

She looked up suddenly, the navigational charts scrolled unheeded below her. Alert, she glanced quickly about the room. There was no one here, yet she could have bet her life on the fact that someone had just called her name. Was it this big empty ship playing tricks on her? Her unease was such that she forgot about the star charts and ventured into the corridor. She clutched a wrench to use as a weapon and silently crept along. She was holding her breath, fully expecting to see a dozen stormtroopers around each and every corner. Yet there was nothing, only silence. She swallowed, her throat dry and constricted. She had definitely heard her name being called, she absolutely knew it. There was no one else on board. Just her and … him?! She started to run. The voice was inside her mind, he must be awake. How could that even be possible? Surely he could not creep into her head when they were not even together? Would she have to be on her guard the whole time?

She paused, trembling outside the med bay. She could feel his rage pulsating from beyond the door. She opened it and felt his frustration pour over her in a hot wave. She scanned the room and saw that he was still sprawled on the mattress where she had left him earlier. Pushing back at the rage emanating from his motionless form, she cautiously approached. She observed the sweat soaked blanket and saw how he was struggling to conceal his shivering. She grabbed a clean blanket and attempted to exchange it for the damp one. His hands were clamped around the edges and she reluctantly took one of his hands in her own and worked to free the trapped fabric.

 _Rey!_

The voice was much louder now. She glanced at his face, noticed the bloody lip and realised that he was not actually awake. It was as they had touched hands that she felt his voice so clearly.

"I'm here," her voice was hoarse from lack of use. He turned his face towards her and his eyes flickered open.

 _I am dying_

It was disorientating having his voice murmuring in her head. Too intimate. She gathered her wits and pushed him out. The rejection was etched on his face and he grabbed her hand. His hand dwarfed both of hers and she tried to pull away. This was all just too close for her. She was not used to being touched. Certainly not by someone who had been trying to kill her. She must never forget that he was capable of monstrous acts, his behaviour often unpredictable and violent. Just because he was vulnerable now did in no way meant that he would remain that way.

His shivering had become so extreme that he was almost convulsing. She scrambled to her feet and searched for more sedative. Dropping to her knees by his side she attempted to inject it. He seized her hands in his and shoved away the sedative.

"Let me help you." She entreated. He responded by releasing her hands and placing one of his hands either side of her face. His hands were cold and trembling. Yet once in contact with her face she felt them generate a heat of their own. It infused across her head and down her neck towards her shoulders. For an instant, it was as if the sun was gently soaking into her soul.

 _Heal me_. She had not realised that she had closed her eyes, but they snapped open in alarm as she realised that he was back in her head again. She shook her head,

"I don't know how"

He merely moved one hand from her face and used it to place one of her own hands onto his injured side. She felt the reduction of warmth keenly and instinctively turned her face into his remaining hand.

 _I know you can do it_ , not just words in her mind this time, but flashes of images. She closed her eyes once more and tried to make sense of it all. She felt the Force building up around her, it was warm and tingled, the atmosphere reverberating. It was as if she were an island of bright light and she could feel his energy surrounding her like a dark, restless ocean. Her breathing was steady as she concentrated on harnessing that bright Light and projecting it outwards, pushing back the Darkness. She felt his heartbeat alongside her own, their breathing in unison. Gradually, she felt him withdrawing his consciousness. She tried to hold onto it, but it was elusive. She wrenched herself back to reality.

Like a drowned woman, she re-emerged in the med bay, gasping for air, her head woozy and a bead of sweat trickled down her spine. His other hand was no longer on her face, he was quite still. The convulsions had stopped and his face was calm. Exhaustion swept over her and she lay down on the floor. Side by side, they slept.


	8. Chapter 8

Rey stirred, the floor was hard. Her side protesting at being lain in the same position for too long. She gingerly turned onto her back. At least she tried to. There was a long arm draped across her. She rapidly came to her senses as she realised that this arm was obviously attached to the rest of him. She could feel his long legs tucked in behind her own. She could feel his chest rising and falling against her back. She noticed that her head was resting on his other arm, and she could feel his breath in her hair. No, no, no! What was going on?! She could not stay here like this a moment longer. She had always wondered what it would feel like to wake up in someone's arms, wondered what it would be like to know that she would not have to face her days (and nights) alone. But not like this. She did not want **him**. A furtive glance down confirmed that she was at least still fully dressed. She gradually began to inch herself away from him. As she tried to move the arm that was resting over her, he stirred also. Still asleep he coiled both arms around her and pulled her in closer. So much for a stealthy escape. Impatient to be free, she pushed hard against his arms. He sighed as he realised that she was positively bristling with indignation. He sighed once more for himself because it had been a very long time since he had woken up with a woman in his arms. And she was undeniably a remarkable one at that. But she was fighting him again. Why was she always fighting with him?

He sensed her panic and reluctantly loosened his grip, she squirmed away and turned to face him. She crouched, in the manner of a wild animal. Although, he could not tell if she was about to attack him or run away. She seemed frozen in indecision. He could feel it and so he slowly pulled himself up so he was now sitting cross legged, he would not be able to spring up and attack her easily from such a position. He hoped that she would recognise this and allow herself to relax, even slightly. She kept her eyes fixed on him the whole time. Her emotions a myriad of light and shade across her face. He felt every single one of them. Panic, suspicion and confusion were laced with curiosity, relief and most surprisingly … optimism. He relished that feeling, it was so long since he had experienced it himself. He marvelled at this unexpected perception. Could she feel it also?

 _Rey_

Her eyes widened. He could feel that she wanted to ask something. Tilting her head to one side, she shifted her weight slightly and spoke,

"What happened?"

She pointed at his side and shoulder. The savage wounds were gone. Although, as his fingers explored his face he realised that there was still one wound that she had not healed. He wondered if this had been a conscious decision, or whether all their energy had been needed in order to deal with the life threatening injuries.

 _You did this_

She shook her head vehemently. Denial flooded her mind.

 _We did it together, I showed you what to do_

He tried to use their mental link to reassure her but his further intrusion into her mind just seemed to distress her. Abruptly, she stood and was gone.

He was bereft in her absence. Hastily he made to follow her. Yet, despite the healed wounds he was still weak, he could not catch her. He leaned against the cold metal wall, it chilled the bare skin of his back. His face hurt. Why did she make him feel so powerless? She who had come from nothing and basically knew nothing, how could she make him feel so inferior? She could not even bear to be in the same room as him. He threw his head back against the wall, the pain of the impact was sufficient to remind him that he was a Knight of Darkness. If he wanted something then he could just take it. Who was she to shrug him off? He had shown her how to heal, and she was not even remotely grateful for this gift. He stood and strode to his living quarters. He missed his uniform, she would remember who he was. She would fear him once more.

She could fee his anger even as she retreated to the furthest point of the ship. She was occupied maintaining the ship's systems, focussed solely on her tasks. But occasionally she would pause for a few moments as she tried to make sense of everything. She knew she was in trouble. Her awareness of his presence was overwhelming. What had begun in the Interrogation Room on Starkiller Base as a fleeting connection now seemed to have solidified into a permanent bond. She knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling all of the time, and she assumed that it was the same for him. She felt his disdain for her and trembled inwardly at his anger. She had never experienced such blind rage herself and feeling it through him pushed her off balance. She needed to get off of this ship. She hoped that maybe the bond was only temporary after all, and if she could put enough distance between them then it would stretch and snap. Sensing that he had returned to his charred living quarters, she made her way to the bridge. She desperately needed to calibrate the navigational database and figure out where they were. Frantically she scrolled through the star charts, comparing them manually to the sensor readings was an immensely time consuming activity. She rested her head on her folded arms and closed her eyes. It was hopeless.

He observed her silently from the doorway. His first impulse was to comfort her, she looked so defeated. But he was not going to give her another opportunity to reject him. Besides, he was not about to let anything as weak as compassion take the lead. Those were sentiments to be crushed. So he glowered at her instead, he was dressed all in black again and it startled her as she looked up at him. He had no uniform here, but black was his signature and it served him well. He felt her initial hatred of him return. This was much more familiar territory for him. He was accustomed to being hated, and now he welcomed it. He would find his way back to the Darkness. She would show him the way, her fear and hatred stirred the blackest parts of his soul. She would be his.


	9. Chapter 9

The bridge seemed to shrink around them as they mentally battled for dominance. There would be no easy surrender from her. He saw that she was prepared to fight him until the end of time itself. Suddenly, there was a beeping from the controls. They had run across a navigational buoy. Relief swept over her as she interpreted the new data from the marker. With this information she was able to attempt a partial calibration of the star charts. It would not be perfect, but it was a start.

"Tuerto System" she announced. She glanced over at him, looking for any sign that he was familiar with it. Was there a secret First Order Base here? "Well?"

"A backwater, nothing of interest," he replied.

"Excellent, sounds like this is my stop then," as she began scanning for inhabitable planets. "You can drop me off and be on your way."

"I don't think so," he countered. He could feel his temper beginning to churn within his chest. He had absolutely no intention of leaving her anywhere. It was imperative to him that they remain together.

"If you are going to start smashing everything up, do you think you could take yourself elsewhere? The bridge controls are quite important for flying the ship," she wryly advised.

Then she stood facing him with her hands on her hips. With one stride he closed the gap between them. She glared furiously up at him. He reached past her to look at the system charts. She refused to back down, but now found herself pinned between him and the console. She wanted to run, but she also did not want him to realise just how disturbed she was being in such close proximity. She had a flashback to how it had felt as he had pulled her tighter in his arms. She realised that she was holding her breath. He seemed to have forgotten she was there, the concentration on his face evident. She noticed the intensity of his eyes and a tightness of his jaw, it was clenched in fury. Feeling her scrutiny he snapped his attention to her face. She bitterly regretted that she was still standing there. She should have pushed away earlier. A momentary loss of dignity would have avoided this particularly awkward scenario. She attempted to stand a bit taller, but that just brought her face closer to his. But she refused to pull away. She would not allow herself to be intimidated by this man.

He sensed her conflict. Could see the flashing defiance in her eyes and yet, he could also feel the fear running through her veins. She was so beautiful, her obvious lack of awareness made her even more bewitching. Without speaking a word, he placed his other hand on her hip and stepped even closer to her. She was now truly boxed in. He was now standing so close that she actually had to arch her neck back in order to maintain eye contact. She gasped a breath of air and realised that her chest was now pressed up against his. Her whole body was rigid. He moved his head lower, his eyes devoured the details of her face. Her eyes, her nose … her mouth.

 _Stop_

It startled him. This was the first time she had used their connection to actually initiate communication. It was intoxicating to be so closely intermingled with her mind whilst standing so close. He had no intention of stopping though, and he wound his fingers into her hair and pulled her head further back. His mouth grazed her neck. He enjoyed the new wave of sensations as she struggled to process what was happening. She was afraid, but not just of him. She was afraid of herself. No one had ever touched her like that before. There was a part of her that wanted more. Her skin was electrified at his touch and she hated herself for it. Even without their bond, she would have felt the lust coursing through him. It was as if they were the only beings in existence. Just them alone, together. Always alone, now together. Her hands were on his chest, the folds of his shirt interlaced with her fingers. He could not tell if she was going to push him away, or pull him closer. He levelled his face with her, there were only millimetres between them.

He observed the debate raging within her, then suddenly her face exuded determination. She had evidently come to a decision. Unfortunately for him, her decision was not in his favour. Her knee made sharp contact with his groin and then she used the Force to repel him bodily across the bridge. With a grunt he slid to the floor, slumped onto his knees.

"I said 'stop', and I meant it," she uttered quietly. "You can't just take whatever you want, whenever you feel like it."

She sensed his outrage at being rejected, not to mention, his obvious frustration. She was not expecting him to feel shame, but yet, there it was. Shame. He was even more surprised by this than she was. He remembered her panic. Yes, he should feel ashamed. She had used her power to heal him and this was how he treated her. His expression was thunderous but he remained on his knees. He definitely wanted to destroy things now. His hands itched to crush and mangle everything within reach. He clenched his fists instead, digging his nails into his palms.

She stared coolly across at him and then turned back to study the sensor readings. Infuriating girl, how dare she dismiss him like that? He had killed men with his bare hands for far less, yet she had calmly turned away. Why wasn't she afraid anymore? He realised that his advances had done nothing more than empower her further. He wanted her, but he now understood that he needed her to want him too. He had hoped to dominate her physically, but it had backfired and now he was left feeling foolish.

In the past, he had always just terrified people into submission, and without that he just did not know how to deal with this girl. He knew she was afraid of him to a certain degree, but she did not let her fear dictate her behaviour. She knew what she wanted and followed her heart, only doing what felt right. He had been ignoring his conscience for most of his adult life. Free from its limitations he had acted exactly as the mood struck him. So, now that he was so aware of her feelings of right and wrong he felt confused. His path to Darkness had always been so clear. He knew what he had to do. It was his destiny to continue the Dark deeds of his grandfather. He knew that only then would Snoke continue to teach him how to exploit the power of the Dark Side. But now, it was as if that bright light that shone within her was also shining into his mind. Memories that had been hidden in shadow for so long that they were almost forgotten were beginning to stir. She added colour to those bleak thoughts about his childhood and he began to suspect that maybe he had not been neglected quite as much as he had imagined. When he compared his childhood to Rey's he saw that he really had been rather fortunate. He might have longed for more attentive parents but at least he had not been abandoned on a harsh planet and left to survive alone.

Yet despite all that misery and pain, there she was: uncorrupted and strong. He could see now that he was not her equal. He never would be. Overwhelmed with his own self-loathing, he wandered away from the bridge. He lacked even the passion to destroy anything now. His only thought was how he could return to Snoke. The Dark Side could not comfort him, but it was all he knew now. He reached out through the Force… but he could feel only the girl. Whilst her light continued to shield them from the Dark Side, he realised that he was unable to communicate with the Supreme Leader.

She had to go.


	10. Chapter 10

****Author's Note: I have now adjusted the formatting on this chapter, apologies!****

He recognised that the Force connection would hinder any actual attempt to kill her. She would sense his intentions instantly. He reflected that although he could not stay with her, that he did not want her dead either. The thought of her out there in the galaxy was an oddly comforting one. If she fell into the hands of the First Order it would be a death sentence, as he knew that she would never consent to join them. The only option available was to grant her wish and leave her at one of these Outer Rim planets. There was nothing to interest the First Order here, maybe she could remain undetected indefinitely. She would be a huge liability if she re-joined the Resistance, but out here she would be forgotten. Forgotten and abandoned again. Is this why she was left as a child? Had someone seen the potential in her and decided to conceal her? But, what choice did he have? He could not keep her with him, he could not destroy her … they had to try to get as far away from each other as possible. He chose to ignore the nagging ache in his chest. He needed to return to Snoke and this was the only way. He could not allow himself to hesitate, not even for a second.

"I have re-routed some of the primary navigational controls to operate from a single control console," she indicated to the left hand console and he could see that she had cannibalised circuitry from the right hand side of the bridge. Cables and panels were exposed in a scrambled web, but she seemed satisfied with her progress. "It's not pretty, but it will do the job."

She jerked her head to the viewport and he glanced over. There was a planet dead ahead. It seemed harmless enough at this distance, he could discern varying shades of blue and brown patches across the surface.

"The ship's shields are too weak to withstand entering and exiting the atmosphere. So I shall take an escape pod." She was resolute in her plan. It made things easy for them both. After the intensity of the past few days, she was tired. They both were. She did not want to fight him, she suspected that the effects of further violence would be amplified by their bond. She was making a practical decision, one that she hoped would lead to her continued survival. She was willing to take her chances down on that strange planet. Anything had to be better than this.

She prepared herself for exile as best as she could. At least she was not a child this time around. She had skills which she was prepared to use to defend herself. She told herself that she would be fine. Better than if she stayed here with him. She filled the escape pod with as much food as she could, along with some medical supplies, clothing and tools. She had no idea how long she would have to manage alone. She took a deep breath. Loneliness was an old companion, and one that she should welcome with open arms. Surely it was better to be alone than constantly watching her back as she waited for him to strike again. She sensed his relief that she was leaving, but she knew enough to see how unpredictable he was. She needed to be long gone before he went into one of his rages again. She reminded herself, yet again, that she was so much better alone. No one to disappoint or hurt her. Alone again, just her against the entire galaxy.

Once the ship was close enough to the planet, she prepped the pod for release. Glancing up she saw him standing in the doorway. He had something behind his back and she sensed his indecision. She tensed in anticipation. She was trapped here in the confined pod. Had he finally come to finish her off? Without a word he threw something into the pod. It fell into her lap, heavy and metallic. It was Luke's lightsabre. He had had it all along! Why was he returning it to her now? He stepped back quickly and hit the controls to seal the doors and eject the pod. She saw his menacing black figure standing at the viewport. She felt the heat from his gaze as the tiny pod launched down towards the planet, until finally she lost sight of the old freighter.

He watched until he could no longer see the pod. He remained standing there a good deal longer. He had sensed her fear and confusion. He was not entirely sure why he had given her his grandfather's lightsabre. It just seemed as if she had earned it. Maybe it was payment for healing him, and now they were even. He was not even sure that that was the kind of bargain he could make without her knowledge. Yet it soothed him, just a little. He slowly walked back to the bridge. He needed a distraction. Yet she was everywhere. He could sense her essence saturating everything she had touched. He could see her reflected in every panel. Her face calm in concentration, the complete opposite to the disturbed attitude she had whenever she had to interact with him. He ignited his crackling red lightsabre and vented the anger at his loss the only way he knew how. Later he knelt amongst the charred remains of the med bay, before lying on the scorched remains of the mattress which still lay on the floor. He told himself that it was better this way, that this was the only path open to him. He buried his scarred face in his arms and slipped into an exhausted lethargy.

He dreamed that he was drowning. He could feel the freezing water creeping up his body and soaking into his clothes, making them drag heavily with every movement. He glanced around to make sense of his predicament, but he was trapped inside a very small room. A room that was slowly filling with water. The door was stuck and he panicked as he realise that there was no escape and he was going to die. The water was up to his chest now, and he tried to prise open the door with his bare hands. The skin on his hands was torn from desperately tearing open the control panel to the door, but it was to no avail. He grabbed his lightsabre as he realised that he was going to have to cut his way out, he felt the terror rushing throughout his whole body. His hands were shaking as he ignited the weapon, for he knew that once he penetrated the wall of that cramped room then he would be engulfed with more water and he did not know how to swim. The water was now up to his chin, and he had to turn his head upwards to gulp from the dwindling pocket of air at the top. The lightsabre blazed, illuminating the water around it.

He awoke from the nightmare with a jerk, and blinked round at the destroyed med bay. He was disorientated, it had seemed so real. He was no stranger to nightmares, as he often relived the violence of his life in his dreams. But this was different. He checked his clothes, he fully expected them to be every bit as waterlogged as they had been in his dream. But they were completely dry. He studied his hands looking for signs of injuries. But again, there was nothing out of the ordinary. Then he picked up his lightsabre… the blade in his dream had been blue, not red like his. He attempted to remember more detail of the room of his dream, could it have been the escape pod? He ran down the corridor to examine the remaining escape pod on board, it was an exact match for the confined room of his dream. What did it mean? Had something happened to the girl? Was this her dream, or was it her reality? Without communications he still could not contact the pod using the ship. So he tried the next best thing. He sat cross legged on the floor and attempted to reconnect with her using the Force. He had not attempted such a feat since his Jedi training with Luke Skywalker. He tried to empty his mind and feel his way towards her consciousness. Suddenly, the connection was open... he felt her terror and panic washing over him.

 _I can't swim!_

He felt her helplessness, as the water began to fill up past her nose, her face was pressed up against the very top of the pod. Her air supply was dwindling to only a handful of breaths.

 _Cut yourself free, I'll find you_

His communication was frantic, and he was not sure if she had felt what he was trying to convey. Then suddenly she was gone, the connection was severed abruptly. Was she unconscious, or had she drowned? Without even thinking, he was running to the bridge. Using what little power that remained in the already depleted fuel cells, he fired the engines at full speed towards the escape pod's tracking beacon. Crashing through the planet's atmosphere, his only thoughts were that he must find her, he must save her…


	11. Chapter 11

Instead of relief, she had felt only emptiness as she had hurtled towards the planet in the escape pod. She realised that she had become accustomed to his constant presence. Yet, as the distance stretched out between them she felt his consciousness slipping away from her. She wondered if this was intentional on his part, or just a natural consequence of separation. She dare not reach out to him, she scolded herself for even contemplating it. She knew that she should be glad to have her mind to herself again. Yet, still … she felt hollow. She had sensed so much from him over the past few days. She had never experienced intimacy like it, and although a lot of it had been unwelcome she still could not shake the feeling that she had now lost something unique. A connection that she would never be able to replicate with anyone else. She knew that underneath that black fury there was an endless pain. An agony that he used to fuel all of his dark actions. She recalled the night she healed him. She had felt that in that moment she could repair all the damage. That she could heal the wounds in his heart as well as his body. But she had been mistaken, he was still damaged. His soul was scarred and like his face, she could not repair it. She had tried, but it was not enough.

She struggled to focus on navigating the escape pod as it broke through the planet's atmosphere. She scanned the horizon for a potential landing site. Yet all she could see was miles and miles of trees in every direction. They rose in waves across the landscape indicating a mountainous terrain, yet entirely smothered in forestry. The pod only had limited navigational controls as it was programmed merely to land somewhere on the nearest planet. At best she could use the thrusters to encourage the craft to glide over the treetops. She made the most of some favourable thermal air currents. But she knew that eventually it would just complete the landing procedure, regardless of how much damage would be caused by impacting in such dense vegetation.

She began to panic, there must be some sort of a clearing. Although, maybe the trees would help to slow her descent? She hoped so, as she realised that she was about to exhaust the last of the fuel for the thrusters. They spluttered out and the pod arced sharply downwards. She tightened the safety restraints and braced for impact. There was a flurry of thuds as the base of the pod swept across the top of the treeline. This intensified as the pod descended and crashed through branches and then trunks. The pod began to roll as it was battered by all these obstacles. For Rey, the noise was deafening, after the silence of space these thuds and splintering crashes were terrifying. She felt sure that she and the pod would soon be shaken apart, and then she would be torn to pieces along with the rest of the pod. Suddenly, the pod was clear of the tree canopy and skidded along the ground. Her whole body was jarred and bruised. She barely had time to draw a breath of relief before she realised that the pod was now teetering on the edge of a cliff. She was hanging upside down in her restraints. She found herself looking through the viewport straight down a sheer rock face to a lake at the bottom. A second later, the edge of the cliff crumbled and the pod plunged into the freezing water below.

The vessel had been designed to withstand space travel, but its hull had been perforated by numerous trees. Water quickly began to pour into the pod. Rey frantically unstrapped herself and attempted to open the hatch, but it was too damaged. She could feel the pod slowly sinking. Desperately she tore back the control panel to the hatch, she hoped that she could manually disengage the locking mechanism, but everything was short circuited. The water level was now up to her chest. It pulled her clothes down into the swirling darkness. She could see nothing through the viewport, only precious bubbles of air rushing upwards to the surface. She attempted to prise open the door with her now bleeding bare hands but it was futile. Forced to stand on the control console, she gulped at the shrinking pocket of air at the top of the pod. She grasped the lightsabre with both hands and ignited it. The blaze of blue was both blinding and comforting in the black of the water. She knew that once she cut through the hull that she would then certainly drown in the open water. But maybe there was a chance, a slim one, but she had no choice but to try. It was then then that she felt a ripple in the Force. He was reaching out to her, but she knew that it was too late. He was no doubt very far away by now. She could see no reason why he would have remained in orbit once she had left the ship. She closed her eyes and did her best to hold onto the connection, it was a small flicker of hope in the darkness.

 _I can't swim_

She could sense his panic, but then it turned into determination. She was not alone, he was coming for her.

She took one last mouthful of air and punctured the hull. She wrenched out of the pod and pushed herself into the void. She felt the icy water compressing her on all sides and she thrashed around trying to get her bearings. The lightsabre was still lit and she held onto the hilt as tight as she could. Her lungs were screaming for oxygen, yet she closed her eyes and fought back the panic. He was coming for her, she just had to hold on. The blazing blue of the sabre would be a flare in the darkness. Her hands remained clamped over the weapon until moments later she eventually released her last breath, the bubbles danced around her and were gone. She gulped in a lungful of lake water and drifted down into the abyss.

As the last electrical impulses surged though her body, she saw her life on Jakku. Instead of the unforgiving cold water she felt the relentless heat of the desert. The Force flexed and swirled around her. The water itself broiled and heaved her lifeless body upwards. As she wavered between life and death she summoned what strength she had left and reached out towards hope.

The freighter shot across the planet's surface, he had no need of the tracker now. He could clearly see the path of destruction caused by the pod. He followed the burnt groove through the trees until he reached the cliff top. The undergrowth was still smouldering from the heat from the pod. He knew she had only just passed through, but as he circled above the lake he could see no sign of her. He reached out through the Force, but could not sense her. Devastated, he clumsily landed the ship in a small bay at the side of the lake. Hastily he opened the hatch and ran across the sand to the water's edge. He still could see no evidence of where the pod had crashed, and he used the Force to reach out to her… but there was nothing. He had lost her. She had died all alone below the water. He had promised that he would come for her and he had failed. Despair washed over him, he should have known better than to try to help her. She was Light and he was Dark. He had make his choice. She had died anyway, anything that came near him was always doomed to be destroyed. Why had he even though that this would be any different? He felt the loneliness bearing down on him and he knelt on the sand and wept. The tears were not just for Rey, not just for his father, but also for himself. He sobbed at the pain he had caused to himself and those around him. Without Snoke to manipulate this pain into anger, he was crushed by the enormity of all that he had done. He would never be able to carry this burden alone. He was truly lost.

He did not immediately notice when the lake water began to bulge, inexplicably, upwards towards the beach. Absorbed in his grief, he did not feel the disturbance in the Force until the wave broke over him. He started abruptly to his feet just as the wave receded, leaving Rey sprawled on the sand. In amazement, he pulled her into his arms and held her steady as she coughed up lake water onto the wet sand.


	12. Chapter 12

Once her convulsions ceased she lay so limply that he thought that he had still lost her. He pulled her closer, her slight frame resting against his chest. He tilted her face upwards, pressing his forehead against hers he felt her faint breath against his cheek. Relief flooded over him and he wrapped his other arm around her and lifted her onto his lap. She stirred and turned towards him, her head nestled perfectly against his neck.

They remained like this until Rey began to shiver. The sun had set and the breeze across the lake was cold. He was reluctant to move and break the spell. Part of him wanted to stay kneeling on the wet sand, holding her close forever. Relief at her survival was mixed with confusion as to the very circumstances that allowed it. He had never heard of anyone manipulating the Force whilst unconscious. And yet here she was, her desire to live was truly overwhelming. For all of his power through the Dark Side he had never been able to harness it to this extent. Yet, hers was a natural skill, she had never been trained. He could only imagine all that she could be capable of, this slender girl lying so passively in his arms. He gently probed her mind, but she seemed in shock. Her mind was blank except for the sensation of her wet clothes clinging to her skin and the texture of his shirt under her face. He could sense how the cold was creeping along her limbs. Being cold was a relatively new experience for the girl, but one that she was starting to get used to. He felt the numbness in her extremities and the way her blood was now flowing in a reduced pattern around her body, as it attempted to preserve the heat around her internal organs. He had to get her warm before she succumbed to hyperthermia.

He struggled to his feet, ungainly as he hoisted her up into a carrying position. Her soggy clothes made her heavy and unwieldy. He staggered, his own limbs were also cold and stiff from sitting for so long in the same position. She caught him unawares when she slipped her arms around his neck, but it did make her easier to carry. He was relieved that even as her senses returned to her that she was not actually fighting with him, for once. He hoped that if she was able to accept his help this time then maybe she could find a way to tolerate him in general. Maybe she could bear to stay with him. He knew that she would never be coerced into anything, but if she came to him willingly? He does not even allow himself to contemplate such a possibility. If life had taught him anything, it was that he would always be alone. He realised that it was only her recent brush with death that had led to her exhausted surrender at this point.

"What have you done to the ship?" she murmured against his throat. He glanced over towards the ship and saw for the first time the sheer extent of the damage. The shields had clearly held on for as long as possible and then failed completely. The carbon scorching was across the entire hull, he had been very lucky to survive. If the hull had ruptured during entry into the atmosphere both him and the ship would have been incinerated. He pulled her even closer into his arms at the mere thought of it. As they travelled up the gangway into the open hatch she reached out an arm. Her hand made contact with the damaged hull. She instantly had a vision of the ship streaking across the sky, following the scorched scar through the trees and ultimately crash landing in the bay.

"I told you the shields couldn't withstand landing here" she again murmured. It was his turn to be disconcerted by their close proximity. To know that her lips were practically brushing against the skin on his neck was both exhilarating and infuriating. How could she be so helpless in his arms, whilst still verbally antagonising him? Although to be fair, he did not actually sense any malice towards him. It finally occurred to him that maybe she was also finding this situation somewhat awkward. It was with great reluctance that he gently stood her on her feet. Maybe a little physical distance would be helpful and allow them both a moment to sort through their feelings. His arms immediately ached with longing to hold her again. She felt this wave of emotion, it almost knocked her off balance as her legs were still shaking. She stumbled and he shot out both arms to steady her. His hands gripped her upper arms and gently lowered her to her knees as her legs completely gave way. Now they were both kneeling, he could sense her disorientation. She placed her own hands on his arms in a tentative embrace. He could feel her confusion, she could hardly believe that he had sacrificed the ship, and almost his life along with it, in order to try to save her. She had sensed the boy that he used to be but this was the first time she had seen evidence of that boy in the man before her. After all the terrible deeds he had done, she could barely comprehend his motivations.

She had rejected him at every turn, yet here he was. He had risked everything to try and save her. She slid her hands up over his shoulders and up to his face. Gently, she traced the tips of her fingers over the scar on his face. She looked up at his face and the fire in his eyes was so intense that she involuntarily closed her own eyes. Blind though she was she realised that she could now see into his mind with a startling clarity. She pulled his head downwards so that their foreheads touched once more. He was trembling, but he could not deny her anything. He opened his mind and heart. He showed her the boy called Ben and allowed her to glimpse the path that he led him to Darkness. He showed her the loneliness and the doubts that plagued him. She saw the horror as he had killed his own father and how he struggled to face what he had done. She was witness to his fury as he smashed the med bay and the sheer desperation when he realised she was in danger. Finally, she gasped as he shared his jubilation at her miraculous survival. He longed for her with every fibre of his being.

It was intoxicating to see herself through his eyes, to see that he considered her to be so much more than that dirty scavenger girl. She felt consumed by his passion. Instinctively, she tilted her head to one side and pressed her lips against his. He was momentarily stunned, but quickly recovered as he pulled her in closer. He kissed her hard and deeply, her lips burning under his touch. She wound her long fingers through his hair, matching his passion with her own. The merging of their minds was seamless, thoughts and sensations flowed through them both, intertwined and united. She felt as though they were melting into a single entity.

After being alone for so long, she yearned for this connection. For the first time she had found someone who could finally see her for who she was. Someone who had looked into her heart and mirrored her desire with a ferocity that was breath-taking. His mouth had now left her lips and was tracing a tingling path across her neck and collar bone. She intuitively arched into his kisses. Each one branding her forever with its heat. He paused as he reached her shoulder when he realised that she was now shivering quite violently from being so cold. Her hands were almost blue now. He scooped her up again and sped towards the undamaged living quarters. Safe in his arms, she rested her head against his shoulder and trusted that he was going to make it all better. The cold from the lake seemed to have frozen her very bones and as she slipped into unconsciousness she wondered if she would ever be warm again.

Her clothes were sodden, so he gently placed her on the bed and stripped her down to her undergarments. Despite freely roaming through each other's minds only moments earlier, this physical vulnerability surprised him. Her slender form carried its own battle scars and signs of a life hard lived. She was still shivering, so with only a few seconds hesitation he stripped off his own damp clothes. Climbing into bed beside her, he pulled the blankets over them both, tucked his own warm body around her and instantly fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	13. Chapter 13 - Finale

Without opening his eyes he knew he was alone in the bed. He felt like he had slept for days, without his usual nightmares to disturb him, he had rested deeply. For the first time in years he awoke feeling warm and relaxed. Languidly, he stretched out across the bed. He registered that her side was cool, she must have slipped out of bed much earlier. Rolling onto his back he pulled her pillow over his face. He inhaled the scent of her skin and hair and he recalled the way she had felt in his arms as she slept. Reluctantly, he released the pillow and sat up. Where had she gone? He had not sensed any disturbances, so she must have gone of her own accord. His chest contracted as he began to panic. What if she had changed her mind about him? What if she rejected him again? He did not think that he could bear it. His fear cascaded over him causing the fittings in the room to reverberate as the Force manifested his fear onto his surroundings.

He leapt to his feet and pulled on his clothes from the floor, they were still slightly damp and clung to his skin. This infuriated him even further and so he did not bother wrestling with his boots. Instead he marched barefoot along the corridor trying to guess her location.

 _Bring food_

A whisper almost obliterated by the storm in his mind. He instantly froze and wondered if he had imagined it.

 _Bring food_

This time is was accompanied by an image of the lake. He felt her presence and it was pure and bright. She was waiting for him. She had not abandoned him. Collecting a variety of foodstuffs from the galley he cautiously made his way down the gangway and onto the sand.

It seemed exceptionally bright outside in comparison to the gloom of the ship and he was temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjusted he could make out her figure near the lake. She was sitting on one blanket and wrapped in another, cross-legged by the water's edge. Her hair was loose and tumbled to her shoulders. He had never seen a more beautiful sight in his whole life. He realised that he was holding his breath and then it dawned on him that she had more than likely sensed his panic when he thought that she had left him. Their bond seemed to only strengthen with their continued contact. As if in response to his anxiety, she turned to look at him. Her face brightened into a smile once she spotted the food he was carrying, and she patted the blanket next to her. This was the first time he had seen her smile and he could not quite believe it, that now she smiled at him. He crouched on the blanket and spread out the supplies. She leaned over to inspect them, her head was so close to his, her hair brushed against his face. She seemed oblivious to the effect she was having on him. His heart was racing and a fire was surging through him. His desire to touch her was overwhelming.

She was about to speak, she lifted her head to address him but he never heard the words. He seized her face in his hands and placed a searing kiss upon her lips. Her words faded to a moan, startled as she was, she recovered quickly and wound her fingers around the collar of his shirt pulling herself closer. Encouraged by her passionate response he gently laid her back against the blanket. He gazed down at her flushed countenance and suddenly felt an icy shadow in his soul. He could not let anyone take her from him. She instantly saw his thoughts and softly pulled him down so that he was lying alongside her. He rested his head on her chest as they waited for his panic to subside. He could hear her heart beating in his ear and she idly stroked her fingers through his hair.

This companionable silence was eventually broken by the rumbling of her stomach.

"I thought that you were going to sleep forever" she complained.

"You know, the Jedi don't approve of using the Force to order breakfast" he replied, allowing himself a smirk… not quite a smile to hover over his face.

"Just as well I'm no Jedi then" she giggled, as she struggled to reach the provisions from her pinned position. Quickly, he trapped her arms under his hands.

"You have to pay the toll" he announced, he watched the confusion skim over her face before she realised exactly what kind of payment he had in mind. Abruptly, she wrapped her legs around his waist and with a mighty shove she managed to flip him over onto his back. Now astride him, he found their positions reversed and she now pinned his arms down above his head. Their faces were only an inch apart.

"I would hate to have any debts" she whispered, her lips hovering above his for just a second before claiming them as her own. She released his arms and he wound them tightly around her. His hands began to explore the contours of her body, eager to discover every inch of her. He was most disappointed when she suddenly pulled back and sat up, he propped himself up on his elbows watching her. She smiled as she spoke,

"Well, that seems enough payment for breakfast!"

He groaned in frustration and linking her hands with his he used them to cover his face.

"Don't be sad … I'm sure it will soon be lunchtime…" he could hear her smiling as she teased him. He peered through the interlocking fingers and sighed in resignation. She scrambled off him and began to examine the various packets of food. On Jakku she always ate with such speed, her body desperate for nourishment. It was a hard habit to break. After a few moments, she had consumed half of the food. He had sprawled out across the blanket and seemed fascinated with the sheer velocity with which she ate. Once her meal was completed she lay back using his body as a pillow. His meal was consumed much less enthusiastically. He had enjoyed fresh food in his position in the First Order. There were no dehydrated nutripacks for the Knights of Ren.

He struggled to suppress a shudder as he thought about his other life, the one that was still out there. It was merely waiting for him to find his way back and then he could continue to operate as the much feared Kylo Ren. Despite the warm sun on his skin he shivered. Sensing his distress, she sat up and moved closer to him. She curled into his side with her head resting against his chest. It was his turn to gently stroke his fingers through her tangled hair.

 _We can stay here_

Her thoughts were like soft beams of sunlight, dappled through the shadows of his Darkness. He coiled around her so that he was lying behind her, his body curved to fit hers perfectly. Her head now rested on his arm and they both lay still in the sunshine. Together they watched the light sparkling on the lake and the steady sway of the enormous forest which surrounded them.

For Rey, it was like a dream, the most amazing dream that she could have ever imagined. But like all dreams she knew that she would have to wake up eventually. Determined to savour each and every moment of contentment she attempted to emanate enough warmth and happiness outwards to envelope him as well. He clutched her with the desperation of a drowning man hanging onto the slenderest life line. He knew that there was a storm coming, and as blissful as this was, he knew it was only a fleeting reprieve. She shared her joy in the moment with him and he allowed her to comfort him. A brittle veneer of calm between them and the swirling Darkness of the galaxy.

Something was coming, they both felt it and buried themselves in their embrace, two lost souls stranded on a forgotten planet.


	14. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

She saw him only in her dreams now. A fleeting memory of warm arms and soft words. Dark eyes and lost promises. Breathless she awoke, emerging from her restless sleep, disorientated as she reached out… floundering in the emptiness.

 **Author's Note:**

 **I thought I would have a try at a sequel, so if you liked this then please have a look at my new story … "** ** _Solorey"_**


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